Win some, lose some.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how kids come and go through my life. It seems that every year there is at least one student who, no matter how well I think I understand him or her, shows me I have a lot yet to learn.

On Wednesday I stopped into the office of my second elementary school of the day, and standing at the front desk with a first grader in tow was a young woman who greeted my back. "Hi Amy", she said. I am new at this school this year, so not many people know me at all, and certainly no parents know my first name, so it was with a puzzled look that I turned around to see who this was.

I recognized her right away as a former student who had played cello in my orchestra from 5th to 8th grade. She had been a pretty good cellist, though never really took it seriously. She had a twin sister who also played cello. They were like the opposite sides of the same coin. This sister, here with her own little boy, had been a congenial child, polite, who took naturally to the cello. Her sister, on the other hand, had had a foul temper, which could be turned into sweetness and light when she wanted something, and, though she might have actually been more passionate than her twin about playing cello, she struggled mightily with it, and never really understood what she was doing.

I had taken deep interest in these girls, as their home and family were dysfunctional at best, and borderline abusive at worst. I had had fantasies of them playing in their high school orchestra and using this skill as a way to open doors for themselves throughout their lives. That's not what happened, however.

The two girls occupied my psyche for several years, until in the middle of their 8th grade year, I had had enough. The more difficult of the two girls had come to take my kindness to them for granted and had developed an demeanor of entitlement. It's not that I expected to be thanked every minute for everything I did. I only really wanted the girls to have something positive and fun in their lives. And what I got in return was often very rude behavior, and "attitude". Finally, I stopped bending over backward to keep them in my program, and they both dropped out. I felt bad about this for a long time, and wondered how they were faring.

And here was the congenial sister, with her own child, now 6 years old. I did the math. After all I, her other teachers and counselors had tried to do, she had ended up being a teenage mother. We exchanged pleasantries. She introduced me to her son. We talked about how when he gets to 4th grade, he will play an instrument. She told me her twin sister also has two children. She seems like a good mother. She looks happy and healthy. Maybe that's all we can hope for. And I have to wonder how much of my own ego was wrapped up in "rescuing" these "poor" girls. As it is, at least one turned out all right, though not with the kind of life I would have chosen for her. I guess it's enough to know that as an adult, this young woman chooses to greet me and say hello.